Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
