frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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