I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
