hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
