He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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