Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
