God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
