i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
