im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
