I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
