when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
