Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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