If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Can I color on your dick again?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
