Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
