Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
