mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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