STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
