Where did you get a picture of my penis
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
