omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
