Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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