Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
