Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
