I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
