How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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