Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
