My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
