dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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