I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
