It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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