she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
