I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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