I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
