Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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