wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
