Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
