omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
