Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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