You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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