I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
