True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
