Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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