so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
