Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
