I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
