Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
