he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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