wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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