1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
