You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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