I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i believe in u and ur pee
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